How to: convert an Ikea lamp to brilliance

Project: Ikea Lamp Conversion
CHW Rating: Easy Like Sunday Morning

What do you do when you find a few Ikea lamps missing shades? Most sane people would just buy new shades. Or new lamps. Or both. Trouble is, Ikea stopped selling the shades separate online and we only got an actual store after I finished this project (of course).

I ended up adopting them with the intent to made new shades. The first lamp took about an hour to make, with most of the time spent waiting for paint to dry.

I painted the base a chocolate color using Mod Podge, brown acrylic and a tish of black.

Then I took a $10 lamp shade from Target and covered it with fabric using hot glue. It wasn’t just any fabric, mind you. I found a skirt at GW for $1.99 with a pattered that I just luved. The skirt didn’t fit but it has new life as a lamp shade.

To polish it off, I added a few fabric flowers, once again using hot glue, and voila! A new lamp for under $15.

Finally, I put the lamp on my nightstand and added a bird. Because no project is complete with a bird, right? Don’t believe me? Watch this.

 

Home Improvement Pet Peeves (HIPP)

There’s been so many projects at CHW lately that I haven’t had time to update you all. Over the past month I painted my dining room, living room and bedroom. This sounds innocent and easy but, in reality, takes more time than you can imagine. All three rooms required a major detox due to years of grime build up prior to paint being applied. Then I had to patch, fill and sand numerous holes left by over zealous anchor bolts and questionable drapery hanging methods. It also required removing doors, stripping paint off hinges (smilies!) and patching former hinge outlines in door frames. Then I painted the doors, shined the hinges and rehung them. Pictures are forth coming. Until then, here is my Top Ten list of Home Improvement Pet Peeves:

10. Piss-poor workmanship: need I say more?
9.  Painting over chipping paint: this is on the outside of my house. Now I get to strip and repaint my entire house!
8. Galvanized pipes: aka slow, corroding mazes of crap
7. Old wiring: it’s a guessing game where they lead
6. Nails in place of a screw: seriously!
5. Unfinished projects: um, no comment right now
4. Anchor bolts: see above and this post
3. Shiney paint: icky, icky, icky
2. Flat head screws: created by the devil to haunt mankind until the Second Coming
1. Painted hardware: lazy, lazy, lazy

I just realized that a lot of my HIPPs revolve around paint. Maybe it’s because that’s on the brain lately. I reserve the right to alert and reorder this list when I take on my next project(s).

What are your HIPPs?

 

Summer in a Jar

Project: Peach Jam
CHW Rating: Easy as Sunday Morning

It’s December 1 and snowy in Denver. It’s as if someone flipped a switch and the season turned to winter just as the calendar page turned. Yesterday was almost summer at 60 degrees. Today we’ll get 4-6″ of snow.

Start with peaches. A lot of peaches.

Days like this make me want to dig in and craft, decorate for the holidays, write greeting cards—and think about summer.

One of my favorite things about summer are the Palisade Peaches, from the Western Slope of Colorado. They invade the Front Range mid-August through September. For me, they can’t last long enough and, like summer, are gone too soon. Since it’s a long way until the dog days of summer, I bring you summer in a jar, otherwise known as my experiment with canning.

Note: I know that I’m not the first to blog about canning peaches. But if you’re like me, you may have thought it was harder than it really is. So this is for all of you desk jockies out there who always wanted to try canning.

Add sugar. About 4 cups worth.

I found a recipe on the Interwebs and if I track it down again I’ll post it. It was tres simple. 5 1/2 pounds of peaches, 4 cups of sugar, lemon juice. And time. And water. And jars.

Slice the peaches with the skin on, then gently toss in the sugar. Cover and let sit out for 4 hours or overnight in the fridge. After the peaches are all gooie, bring them to a boil until they start to break up and the mixture thickens. There’s a sweet spot of time that they need to boil and after you pass that spot, the mixture won’t set. So watch the clock and the pot to make sure you don’t mess it up. The upside is that you’d have a bowl full of ice cream topping if you do mess it up. Or you could save the mixture by re-boiling it and adding pectin. Your call.

Let the peaches sit, covered, in the fridge overnight. Make yummy, sugary goodness.

Then you just scoop the mixture into clean jars, give them a quick bath (for about 15 minutes) in boiling water to help seal the jars. I boiled the lids for 5 minutes prior to canning to help goo up the seal. I also found this awesome Ball canning funnel that made the job go hella fast. The best part is that it’s collapsible, an important feature in space-challenged kitchen.

The recipe said it would make 8 1/2 pint jars. I could only find pint jars at the store and ended up with 5 pints with a 1/2″ gap at the top of each jar. Three jars are in my cupboard, one in my fridge ready for winter and the fifth went to my BFF.

So far all of them are still sealed. It was doubtful at first, a few of them didn’t seem to suck in the seal. But once they cooled they were firmly sealed. I look forward to hearing that distinctive “pop” of opening a can mid-winter. It’s the next best thing to summer.

Finished product ready for winter.

 

Wine? Why not!

Project: Dining Room Hutch
CHW Rating: Weekender

It’s been awhile but I’m back at the home improvement beat. I took some time off for the summer to enjoy grilling, sunshine and biking across Eastern Europe. One thing led to another, summer turned to fall and it’s time to get back to work on this masterpiece.

The gateway drug of choice this time around was a piece of furniture. At first glance it didn’t look like much but I could see the potential the first time I saw it. It was a Friday afternoon. The late summer sun glinted off of the yellowing leaves and children we’re enjoying the last few warm days before coats and snow boots became… what? Oh, yeah, that’s a different project. So I drove by it sitting in an alley, the international sign for “take me.” It was almost like it was waiting for me to come rescue it from boredom.

So I brought it home and gave it a little love. After I bashed the crap out of it to remove two of the drawers.

I had a vision, you see. A vision of wine and roses. This involved high school Algebra skillz to figure out what length to cut the plywood. It also involved asking my engineering friend what Algebra is to be able to use said skillz.

At first I painted it a bright yellow color, but alas, I severely misjudged how dark the yellow might turn out. I was hoping for more of a dark mustard and instead I got a Big Bird yellow. As much as I love that big fluffy flightless bird, the color bothered me. And if it bothers me, you know it’s got to be repainted.

I had a sample size (dog bless Home Depot’s paint department) of Parisian Taupe in flat. It took to the hutch like a stalker to a pretty girl. The top and inside was originally supposed to be a reddish brown. The first coat came out a little closer to purple. I salvaged the color by mixing in black as I was painting the second coat. This resulted in some variations in tone that came closer to the color I was looking for.

The result it a very grown up looking sidebar/wine hutch/thingamajig that’s pretty awesome.

 

Curb Appealing

Project: Cute-ing of Cherry Hills West
CHW Rating Scale: Weekender/Call a Pro

It’s been nearly a year since I put an offer in on CHW. The first time I spotted this house I hated the junipers. Finally, after six, or eight, months, I ripped them out.

Before: The only thing I miss is the green grass... Sigh.

But I didn’t stop there. After tearing out the offending shrubbery I decided to sand, patch and paint the faux shutters and front door.

During: Ho-hum

But wait! There’s more. I also (finally) installed a storm door. It’s a lot harder to install a storm door on your own kids. Phone a friend. Or two. Then drink lots of beer afterward.

Ta-da!

In the spring I’ll install a sprinkler system and plant some water-wise plants to pull it all together. But for now it’s a huge improvement. Some times I look at my house and giggle. Then I think, damn, I did this!

 

Got a few minutes? Make this!

Project: Recycling Calendar
CHW Rating: Easy Like Sunday Morning (really!)

Tonight I got home from work a wee bit later than normal and had a hankerin’ to craft. However, seeing as the sun was starting to go down I didn’t want to take so long that I’d be waiting for Mod Podge to dry at midnight. It was also recycling day at CHW, which is always a surprise because my top o’ the line waste company doesn’t provide a calendar for pick ups. They come every other Monday. I never remember if this Monday is that Monday or if it’s next Monday. Weeks Months went by with me not knowing what Monday it was. So this morning I took a gamble and put out the bin. Yatzee! I won! They picked it up. So I went to write down all the dates on my trusty Post-it. Then I thought, how ugly is that?! CHW deserves a cute calendar. Inspired by a few other crafty chicks, I came up with a 5 minute craft project that satisfied my need to craft with instant gratification.

You can make something like this, too. All you need is a few supplies.

1. Paint chips (Thanks Martha for your lovely selection.)
2. Letter stickers
3. Glue dots or light but strong adhesive
4. Magnet for fridge (I reused an old magnet)
5. Pen or thin Sharpie

First I cut out a panel of Martha’s finest paint chip brochure, available at your local Home Depot. Then I stuck RE:cycle on the top of the paint chip panel. You can be as direct or clever as you want. I went with a play on words because I was feeling saucy.

Now this is the complicated part. You need to find all the dates. I used what the Mayans’ refer to as a “calendar” and wrote out the dates through June on a piece of paper just to make sure I had them all right the first time. With dates in hand, I filled in all the blanks.

I used glue dots to attach it to the magnet and promptly posted it on the fridge.

Now I’ll never have to guess if this Monday is that Monday. The best part? I recycled everything but the glue dots and letter stickers to make this. You’re welcome Earth.

 

Shhhhrubbery!

Project: Operation Juniper Extraction
CHW Rating: Weekender/Call a Pro

The first time I laid eyes on CHW I hated the junipers. Between the crab apple in the backyard and the overgrown junipers in the front, it was a tough sell for me. Luckily for CHW and my dear readers, I looked past the spider-infested evergreens to see the potential that this little house held. And this weekend, when everyone was celebrating our nation’s independence, my brother and I were liberating CHW from the landscape “don’t” in my front yard.

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While the work isn’t yet complete, I feel this enormous sense of accomplishment after watching the shrubs get ripped out of the yard. The front yard looks more like a juniper war zone right now but after the dust settles and the last branch is hauled away CHW is going to be better, faster, stronger and most important, prettier!

 

Taggin’ in the Hood

Sometimes the house gods drop presents into your lap. And sometimes you have to fish those presents out of trash cans after you finish a morning run.

Details aren’t important. What matters is that these ugly torches were left out for me find and prettify.

 

 

 

 

 

All it took was a few basic supplies. Six bucks in spray paint to be exact.

Then I salvaged some jars out of Gary’s garage for good measure.

Yes, that’s a Jack Ass name plate. As I said, don’t focus on the details.

 

 

 

 

 

And what happens when you engage in drive by painting?

Pretty!

And that, my friends, is a project that is so easy, it’s easy like Sunday morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enter the Golden Dragon

Mission: Entrance Makeover
CHW Rating: 2″ (Mani Eater)*

Recently I got a bug up my keister to renovate my entryway. Not sure really why as I’ve got a 1045 other projects in line ahead of it. Alas, one evening I was looking at the dirty, sad little room and heard a voice. The voice was the entryway crying out: “wash me!” So I did. Then I thought I heard it ask for a sandwich, which is pretty weird considering it’s a room, but I went and made myself a sandwich anyway.

After eating the sandwich I realized that the room could be an easy renovation, one which would bring me a lot of satisfaction and joy. We all need more joy in our lives so I forged ahead.

First I picked out a color. It was a little bright but I thought, what the heck? It’s a small room, it can stand some color.

My color inspiration came from the hallway in a hotel in Tampa, Florida. Note to self: things are a little brighter in Florida.

Nonetheless I painted. And realized about halfway through that the room was a shade lighter than nuclear orange. Oops. So I went to Home Depot and found a lighter color. Ahh, I’ve done it, I thought.

But it was a little too light yellow. As in an asexual baby’s room light yellow.

Then it came to me! Actually, my mom suggested I blend the two colors to make it the right shade, but I thought that would be too much work so I faux painted instead.

I used a high tech tool I like to call “a plastic bag,” which is the same tool I used to faux paint my laundry room floor. It started out well but I realized that it wasn’t really giving me the look I wanted and a wall is a much bigger pain in the behind than a floor. So I just switched to dry brushing the darker color over the lighter color and it went soooper fast after that.

While I was waiting for that to dry I started making some art! Yay art! Art makes me happy. I went to art camp and got all inspired again so now I’m a fool with a glue gun and Mod Podge.

I took myself on a date to Hobby Lobby and bought some canvas, scrapbook paper with sweet designs on it and started arting.

 

 

 

 

And after that I put them up and took artsy photos of them. Oooh. Ahhh.

 

 

 

 

The result is a truly custom, one-of-a-kind entry way that no longer looks sad and dirty. It’s very happy (with happy birds!) and enterwayable.

*Cool graphics to come someday. Just as soon as my Etch-A-Sketch comes in.

 

Introducing the CHW Project Rating Scale

Almost daily, nay, minutely, I’m asked how do I do what I do with Chez CHW. Where did I learn my home improvement skillz? Did I go to some special ladies clinic at Home Depot on a Saturday? Did I have a handy husband/boyfriend/father/brother who taught me how to do this? Did I have some kind of super power? No. No. And, well… uh no.

Truth is, I really don’t know how I know how to do all that I do at CHW. If I had to guess it’s a combination of being cheap and fearless. Mostly cheap. And impatient. I don’t want to have to pay someone to do work I can do myself. And I don’t want to wait for said someone to show up to do the work. Yes, I’d rather make 14 trips to HD or Lowe’s instead of waiting til Thursday between 2-6 p.m. for the handyman to show up. Yes, it does take less time. And I need to get out of the house  more often anyway.

But I do realize that I have a special skill, this being cheap and fearless. And I’ve been told it’s my duty to share the vast depths of fearlesscheapness knowledge I have with all womankind. Or at least the women who are trying to summon the courage to do their own fix her uppers. (you can do it girl!)

Thus the CHW Difficulty Rating, which will adorn all my project posts from now on. I’m basing the scale on something all women will identify with: shoes. (Fellas, you can imagine it’s a rating scale based on fish sizes, or motorcycle engines, or laser guns.) With shoes as we ladies know, some are easy to wear—like ballet flats. Some take more work—like a 5″ stiletto. But both have their time and place in our wardrobes, right?

The scale, or Legend of the Shoe, as expounded upon by yours truly:

5” = A Pro
Imagine Julia Robert’s character in Pretty Woman. It will look great when it’s all dolled up, but it took a lot of work to get there. Be like Richard Gere and call in a pro for this one.
4” = Call a Friend
Four hands are always better than one, especially when dealing with heavy objects. And moving.
3” = the Weekender
Block out some time and get a pizza. This is going to take a while.
2” = the Mani Eater
While it’s not hard, it could get messy. Be prepared to get a new manicure after this project.
Flat = Sunday Morning
As in it’s so easy, it’s easy like Sunday morning, yo.

Last weekend I worked on two very easy projects that would fall in the “flat” part of the scale. I completed both of them in less than a day and I even stopped for lunch. I’ll get into those in my next post.